phew... came back from sec 3 rapport buildiing facilitating... wa... long time since i get in touch wif sch life... a classroom of 40 really brings back old memories... the job wasnt meant to be tiring, juz simple games and activities for the students...

but then, probably, i'm not the most enthusiastic faciitator around... hahaa... some of the kids hav a higher energy level than i hav... wif good fortune, i got a really good class and a really good co-facilitator... so, the experience is pretty good...

being in close touch wif a mixed sch for the first time, realised how much more mature the gals are compared to the guys... the class hav a big bunch of really active, cheery and spontateous gals, really cooperative and sensible... the guys are more concerned of how they look, and most end up being too punky or childish...

interesting scene :

co-facilitator : 'shouting at the kids for the first time when they are real messy'
after they quiet down, a student : y u so fiece? muz use soft approach mah...
co-facilitator : sometimes soft approach dun work, gotta use the hard way
student : den use a softer approach...

anyway, nice to earn money and hav fun wif the kids even though its a bit tiring... haven woke up earlier than 8 for a long long time... but the sch's facility is a bit run-down... onli found 3 water coolers throughout the entire sch where i've been to... its bad enf to hav toilets for different genders at alternating floors, but worse still, the toilet got no paper!!!

luckily, brought my own tissue...

it's onli a temp holding area, tink the students and staff can bear wif it for the moment...

after tat, went to mac near the area where the facilitators had a long chat... discovered a big difference between me and them - they all hav directions ; they noe wat they are doing, or wat they are gg into, wat they are interested in, or wat that will giv them wat they desire... which was when i realised, i had no part in this conversation... i've got no plans... got no direction... when ppl ask me wat i'm gg to study, and i answer them, i hardly do it wif tat level of excitement and enthusiasm as they did... i did it like i had no stake in my future... or rather, i tink i lack ambition... in every areas situations so far in life, i juz wan an easy way out... such high energy ppl whom i've met will surely come out and succeed in life, whereas i'll juz be looking out of the window and tinking, wat's there for me?

when being asked, wat are ur interests... i can hardly say convincingly the course tat i'm gg to study... i felt like i nv liked it in the first place.. my grades are becos i'm good at studying, not becos i'm good at the subjects... if doing well's wat tat makes me interested in them, i may well lose interest when i dun do well in U... i tink its juz like leading.... i've taken up various leadership roles throughtout these years... if u ask me, i tink i can lead, (i mean, i'm not the lousiest leader u've seen rite..).. but i dun like leading at all... i dun like to be such facilitators, or holding leadership appt, where everyone's juz waiting for u to say, to do... but why do i still lead? becos i noe wat it takes to be a good leader... and i will try to hav wat it takes for me to lead, when i'm leading... which masks the fact tat i'm actually a poor leader...

so, in the conversation where there's more than me who had nv met anyone b4, i'm juz sitting there, listening but not saying a word... tat is me...